reads

http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2016/05/everyones-obsessed-with-adulting-but-to-be-honest-i-just-dont-give-a-fuck/

So why are we still fixated on measuring how much of an adult we are by how closely we’re falling in line with the values of the generations that preceded ours?

Because the truth about the concept of ‘adulting’ is that if you have to measure it by which possessions you own and which milestone you’ve hit, you’re probably coming at it from a place of intense insecurity.

Being an adult doesn’t mean having a pinterest-porn living room and an engagement ring resting on your finger.

Being an adult means knowing yourself. It means listening to your own needs. It means understanding which kind of lifestyle you want to be living and then pursuing it unapologetically.

Sometimes being an adult means getting married and having a kid, but other times it means the total opposite. Sometimes it means traveling long-term. Sometimes it means frequent career shifts. Sometimes, being an adult just means having the bravery to say, ‘I choose the life that I want over the life that I’m expected to have and I’m happy with that. I’m living with my own definition of integrity.’

Because at the end of the day, the most mature thing any of us can ever do is to know ourselves. To trust ourselves. To understand that even when our wants and needs differ from the desires of the people around us, they’re still valid. They’re still meaningful. They’re still there.

And to allow ourselves the honesty to grow into the exact kind of adult that we want to become.

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I admit

Everybody has wants, which they either don’t have or can’t have.

Woke up from a bad dream… no idea why did I even dream of the subjects involved. But I guess it prompted me to pen these.

I really miss going out on dates and spending my abundant time now with someone special. It’s annoying because I really have a lot of time now, not like a few years ago when my holidays are held up by my responsibilities e.g. internships, or when the other party is tied up too by other responsibilities. Not that I don’t have any responsibilities now but this is honestly the last big break that I have? I miss spending my free time having someone to bake for, to plan surprises, to dress up specially for… and a lot more. I know I can spend this time with my friends too, and I am going to use this time to finally catch up!!! but spending it with a special someone is different. And I miss that. I just hope that I get to experience it again. A love that is free and not restricted, when both our priority is each other’s happiness and well-being at the same time.

Part of me is really really afraid that I won’t get to experience it.

Feel like i’m missing out on an experience that will teach me a lot, which I need to learn at this age.

I should be spending this time travelling and exploring places and experiencing what it’s like to be together for more than 24 hours.

But it’s okay, didn’t realise that I’ve been single for close to 2 years now. It’s good that I am too.

Sometimes I don’t like how fast my mind fast forwards in imaginating things. And then I spoil surprises for myself. It’s like, if something minute happen, I can imagine what comes after in a split second, and why it happened, and then what will happen eventually. HAHA.

Today is going to be a good day. You know it when you wake up and don’t feel tied up by expectations of anyone, by the haunting thoughts that what you posted the previous night will make people like you less or more. You are just facing each brand new day with hope and more hope, more future possibilities and areas to conquer.

Still don’t think I’m fully recovered from that minor food poisoning. I find it funny how I’ve survived all the road trips and unhygienic environment, peeing along the roadsides because in Xinjiang, there are not enough tourists for them to build a public toilet every few hundred kilometres… but on the very last day, i had to suffer from food poisoning due to this stupid steamboat in a CITY (??!). I am never gonna eat steamboat overseas anymore, never liked it anyway I don’t know why so many famous people go there. My home steamboat is better. I puked on that very day in the airport before checking in. But like what my brother and dad said, if I don’t feel 100% well it means that maybe I’ve not puked finished everything. I really hate puking. But I thought I’ve puked most of it out and i secretly wished the rest will just digested by itself so that I can pass it out. But I don’t think so. The next day night after a normal meal i felt that uneasiness again. Sianz, ate more bochaipills and then went to sleep. I think i’m okay if i eat light meals. Went to research a bit and they said food poisoning can be recovered after a few days without medication. I just hope that i will fully recover and there will be no remaining food poison stuck in my stomach…

On another note, I have officially concluded all my big-ticket travels! It’s been really fun and enriching I have to say. I am surprised to find myself saying “I have travelled enough” too for now. Everything in moderation aye? And this also means I have a lot a lot of overdue photos for me to sort and arrange and update. Hahahaha it’s really a lot. I shall spend the remaining time doing that, and I am also going to reorganise my life a bit. I am also hopefully able to find ways to rearrange my room to welcome the new phase of my life. And also get some part time jobs, in my areas of interest.

Okay! Yesterday was a really happy day because I spent the whole day unpacking and using my Spotify again! And youtubing. It was so fun.

Good day

It took me the past few weeks of travelling and the accumulated experiences to help  me realise that I have lost my authenticity of who I truly am, at the expense of myself, either to accommodate to other people, either to fit in with what society deems to be acceptable, either to make peace, either to just let everyone by happier. Too many times, I rub off a bit of myself to be more similar with other people. And it took me this long to realise how that damages me a little in the long run.

Kinda glad I see this now, because I realise that being less of myself for others, is not doing anyone any good.

I’m not going to be too easy to change for others anymore. If anything, doing myself a favour is doing others a favour too.

Vancouver and her beautiful houses

I was right when I say that Vancouver has really really beautiful houses!

I’m watching Eclipse right now and it suddenly reminded me to check out where they filmed all their beautiful sceneries. Realised that most of it are filmed in Oregon, and British Columbia (I WAS THERE!!!) and then guess what…the Cullens’ breathtaking house was filmed in a house in West Vancouver!!! I wouldn’t be surprised ’cause Vancouver’s becoming one of my favourite house-watching place. Aw I really love them.

Ok back to my movie 🙂